As the holidays approach, it seems so many people are touched with the Spirit of Christmas. I pray so hard to be touched by that Spirit, but all I feel is aloneness and pain...

I am alone. I am a compassionate person with a giving heart. As a dedicated Christian and a Certified professional food manager, I spend my life looking for ways to serve God by serving others. God gave me so many inborn qualities. But why? I can no longer keep putting the energy it takes into maintaining my "inner Spirit". It seems that most of my 45 years has been spent in picking up the pieces of the ongoing devastations that have created my "life". A life I have tried to LIVE. A life I have tried to cherish and prosper within. A life that once had beliefs, & hopes. & goals...
     But the fact remains. I am alone. I have no family or friends. None of the local community outreach s have no Angel trees for people like me I constantly struggle to make ends meet on my $614.00 monthly disability. I go without the basics very often. My light bulbs get unscrewed, my hot water is turned off, and my day old bread from the soup kitchen is starting to mold...

I am still dreaming of a Thanksgiving dinner. I went to the extreme of just trying to obtain the turkey carcass's from local churches, but everybody seemed to "dedicated " to their outreach cause verses helping me... Maybe next year...I'll have a dinner just like the world has...I always crave a holiday feast, it does not go away.  

Although I try not to focus on materialistic or negative things, I can't help but feel the pain that does not go away as the world celebrates the holidays. IT HAS BEEN YEARS SINCE I HAVE GOTTON SO MUCH AS A CHRISTMAS CARD. I hate to admit it, but it hurts...

The month of December, to me, is just a never ending assault on my Spirit. One continues lie. A never ending fantasy of family, friends, food, & giving...When year after year, I always wind up sitting alone, usually outside in the cold, watching families as they gather into churches or resturants, I wonder what that feeling of "Christmas spirit and cheer" must be like. But no one ever sees me. I am invisible to the world. I am silent in my torments. I am broken within. Shattered pieces of a lost soul. A masterpiece with no canvas...
 
I know God is with me. I know the promises of the Bible. But as a human being living in an endless circle I pray and I beg for the forgiveness it must take for me to "get a life"...For God To direct me to a key to the source...

      Please pass this message onto to anyone who might send me a card. I would be so grateful. I know so many people take for granted all the holiday foods and special meals shared with family and friends. I would give anything for just the bottom of the pot scraps of special holiday foods...
 
 
Please pass this message onto to anyone that might care just a little....
                                                        Thank You and God Bless You
 
Elisabeth Canady    
4300   18th  St   W   #  102  B
Bradenton, Fl  34205

godschef@hotmail.com