AJ's a little emotional tonight, grieving, and generally feeling not her best. This means because we love her so much (which we do) we must do our best to affirm her worth in the world and in our hearts.

Okay, I'm going to do what my OB/GYN did when I was 9 months pregnant and had a weight gain that made me look like The Nutty Professor aka Sherman Klump. (except I'm white, and I don't mean just white, I mean translucent-white, which was twenty-thousand-billion times worse.) He made me go to the mirror and look at myself and say all sorts of mushy things like, "I am beautiful, and wonderful a glorious," and "I am loved, by myself and many others"(and made me list the people who loved me) and "I will not say mean things about myself because it's bad for me and my baby."

My OB/GYN by the way, is Canadian

So now AJ, go to the mirror and resist the urge to put on the heavy eye-liner. Say to yourself how beautiful and loved you are. Because you are! And things will get better!

i've been emotional for a while...but ya'll haven't gotten to read it cause i lost my internet...i've been trying to say good things about myself....although i got out my notebook so i could write...i haven't done that in a while....my poetry is my outlet...now at least....I'm proud of myself...i have no cuts on my arm...and i'm eating...it may only be celery but it's food...so i'm not doing to bad....i'm trying to see the bright side of things at the moment...am i doing a good job???

Interesting Lucie, girl where do you store this stuff, lol.

AJ doen't have to reach far to achieve that becasue she is a very pretty young lady. I looked at her pick today so I know what I am talking about.

But if you need affirmation, take Lucie's advice and walk in grace.

Now if I could just do the same with what I am working with, then we got something going girl.

Thanx CeCe...i needed to hear that i'm pretty...i don't feel it...and i don't understand why...i mean John told me i was pretty...and Savvy...i'm assuming that was a compliment...i guess it's just the mood i've been in for a long time....trying to ignore the mood i guess i catching up to me...and Lucie...whne i put my make up on i didn't put on thick eyeliner...it actually looks normal...now i did wear a low cut black shirt...but....*stares away *

Way to go AJ! Put a little protein with your celery and know tomorrow is a new day.

It makes me so proud that you would turn to us and your poetry/journaling to express your pain instead of other things that will only bring you more shame and secrecy. We're here for you, AJ, promise.

You too, Cece.

More of those xoxoxo!!!!! (and a few organic chocolate chips to go with it.)

theres still secrecy...but not AS much...so i'm doing good

Yes, you are. And if you get rid of the secrecy while you're young, you'd be amazed how much better your life will get, how free you'll feel, how thankful you'll become that all of your important relationships are open and honest.

one day i will be able to tell ppl what i'm hiding now...i have told a few...and Kiersten happens to be one of the few....i think i'm more afraid to tell because i don't need anyone else dissapointed in me....and i've been in an i dont care mood...and haven't wanted to care...and i threw my conscience out the door a while ago...but i think its starting to catch up to me...*sigh* *trying not to cry* AJ

When you get ready...

Nobody here, individually or otherwise (and most of us have posted emails) will be disappointed and no one will judge. Promise. Promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, ad infinitum...

Babygirl, one thing I have learned is that it's ok to cry. Sometimes a good cry is just what the doctor ordered. I used to keep everything bottled up and never shared my thought for fear of rejection. I am in the process of being FREE.

Nicole sings a song about gonna be free. When you allow yourself to express what's eating away in your insides, you toss it out. You then have room for God to fill you up with more of His goodness and love and Spirit.

I have always had rejection issues, I never thought I was good enough, smart enough and most definantly not pretty enough. But I am learning to Love me. I have had people come into my life who only wanted to just be my friend, or be around me, something I could never understand. But until I loved me, it hindered even my worship to God. I would not testify, or sing or even put in a prayer request, cuase I did not want anyone to look at me.

It's amazing how God can move when you allow him to have center court.

thanks...when i'm ready i will definately tell you all...but..it's 1 am...i have to get up 7 hrs..and the way i've been coughing lately only three hours of that will actually be sleep...so i need to get started...i will talk to ya'll 2mro....Amenda Joy...(AJ)

wow i just got back from the gym and trying to catch up with this posts. honestly guys i feel like ya'll r my online family. and cece i can TOTALLY relate to your post. Amenda, we all love u. it doesn't matter what u've done what u haven't done. we still love u and will b praying for u. hey if u need me i'm only a phone call away or a 20 minute drive away. and guess what?? god doesn't care what you've done. your his child. he wants to take u n his arms and is longing to hear u call him daddy and crawl up on his lap and talk to him. we're hear for u amenda no matter what!!! i love u girl!!

Yes, Meggie is the real deal. No one loves like her! (we're so blessed!)

Hey Amenda have you listened to the song "mirror" by barlow girls? If not listen to it, k? It's a really good song We all love ya!

No kayla i haven't listened to it...but i'm going to dl it now...I really appreciate all this cheering up i got last night...i'm doing a little better...and CeCe...i had a little cry to day...i took out my rent soundtrack and put in a cd i burned almost a year ago..didn't realize what was on it...i guess i attempt to deal with my pain by listening to music...and some of those songs really got to me today...i just think i need a real good cry...but crying is hard...i taught myself a long time ago to not cry...crying is a sign of weakness...but every once in a while i guess i need to be a little weak...

btw kayla...thats was a good song...i wish i wouldn't have looked it up...now my conscience is slowly creeping up on me.....gosh!!

Ya I know I dowloaded a few songs by them that I haven't ever heard and I loved them all.

i don't wanna listen to there music...*opens cd player and puts in the rent soundtrack* ahhhh...much better...

ooooook whatever floats your boat I like 525,600 minutes

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Kayla...,

i yhink out tonight is my fav..that and La Vie Bohem