Hey everyone...i'm like completely torn on something...there is this guy i like...who left today for 3 yrs..all my friends say i should email him and tell him how i feel...but i'm so afraid of rejection that i can't do it...but i know if i don't i will regret it eventually...and my news years resolution was to Forget Regret...but i don't know what to do....i'm going insane...i mean i know that it doesn't matter now if he likes me or not...cause i don't see me going to England anytime soon...but it could be awkward when he comes back into town...idk...GRRRRR...i hate being shy...

Hey I think you should e-mail him that way he knows and you can get it off you chest. And If he does reject you all you have to remember is that God has a reason for everything! Cus' I mean you never know he could be some phsyco or something or not who you thought he was and wind up hurting you more in the long run but that all depends on how well you really know him

Hi AJ/H4J...

Please don't listen any of this because it will sound too motherly and make you want to hurl. I'm just putting something out there for the atmosphere to disintegrate.

Do you ever ask yourself questions about what could happen if you do certain things?

For example, keeping in touch with reality here...

1.The boy is gone for three years. Is he coming back to visit on holidays or is it three years that might turn into 20? Lots of folks I've known that have gone to England for 2 or 3 years loved it so much they stayed there longer. Does he have sufficient attachments here to bring him back or is he kicking off his life with a bang? 3 years is a long time. If you were 40, it would be a long time.

2. What do you think will happen if you tell him? I mean, he's gone so if he returns the feelings, what can he do about it? Spend three years running up phone bills and emailing? I would wager all the money in my purse right now -which is about $7- that if he's not got a girlfriend that he's leaving behind, a few shapely English accents will be very alluring for a little while. That might wear off as time goes on, especially if he begins to get homesick and comes back to the states.

3. If you tell him how you feel, is it really going to get it "off your chest," as Kayla put it? Or will it still be sitting there except now he knows it too, and is on another continent sipping hot tea and nibbling on scones with someone very nice who talks like Kate Winslet?

Providence is a word that means, "divine direction." In relation to mushy stuff, it means that God's providence brings boys and girls together through various means and then you have explosions of testosterone and estrogen and nature takes its course. Know what I mean? Right now, providence has left you in North Carolina and providence has placed him in England.

But all is not lost and if I were you here's what I'd do:

1. Pray for him. Often.

2. Don't get your feelings "off your chest," just yet.

3. Like Mary, "ponder" these things, your feelings, in your heart.

4. Send a friendly email, ("Hi, how's it going, what's England like, I'm fine,etc.") and don't be upset if he doesn't respond right away since he's in a new place seeing new sights and meeting new people. If he does respond, you can see if it's possible to have a correspondence of sorts, but nothing too heavy because he's probably going to definitely date some English girls, so keep it strictly friendly.

5. Continue to live your life and see what providence does.

Your feelings are your pearls, AJ. Be careful who you give them to in these delicate matters for the heart of a young woman is very tender.

xoxo

Awesomly put! Leave it to Lucie who always has the words!

awwww what a great online mom we have!! 'clapping for mama lucie' that's so awesome advice lucie. as a teenager i would agree with kayla but as an adult i can see your point too. just follow your heart and trust god.he knows what's best!!

Thanks Lucie...now all i need is CeCe's opinion...you two are actually the reason i asked because you are older...and i'm confused...and my mom doesn't help with things like that....Lucie...i like you advise...but i know he'll come back cause he's been to england before....he goes to school in england...he's supposed to come back in a year and half to direct the youth theatre....but thanks Lucie

How old is he?

Okay, if he's coming back in 18 months, then my advice still stands. Play your cards, "close to the vest," as we say around here. Do the friendly email thing and see how that goes.

One of the things about youth especially, is the "right now," illusion. Everything has to be "right now," or it will never be. This is completely false. We could all die tomorrow, but chances are better we'll live and there's time to let things, um, simmer. Does that make sense?

So let it simmer. You lose nothing by that and you don't steal from your future by spilling all the beans right now. In addition, it has been my experience that for the most part, the male animal is intrinsically designed to, like Kayla's HOTT dad, "hunt." They like things to be their idea. Even guys who say they love it when girls are honest and direct, aren't always telling the truth. They may like that for the short term, but for long-term, the girls they consider, "keepers," are not usually the girls who are convincing them. It's the other way around. Guys need to conquer stuff. Maybe it's Home Depot. Maybe it's the girl they want to date long term. (I don't mean "conquer" in any weird, twisted, dysfunctional sense.) But they're always conquering something.

He's 23 and i'm going to listen...theres a reason i couldn't tell him New Years eve when we went ice skating and he asked if my friend and i knew of any girls who had a crush on him in Lear...although i did answer with a no really quickly..but anywayz...the friendly email sounds nice...cause i really don't want another messed up relationship...and i know you have to be friends before you can have a relationship...although that not being friends thing has never stopped me...it's been almost a year since i got my heart ripped out stomped on and left to blow in the wind....and i'm starting to think waiting is the best idea...my emotional state right now couldn't handle the bundle of nerves that would go along with telling him....i appreciate the help...thanks Amenda

Yes! Hunt!

thnx keirsten...

Oh my gosh, I'm sorry...have you ever heard of "i" before "e" except after "c?"

I'M SORRY AGAIN...i'm so horrible..we have had this discussion of me being tired...i mean it is 12:30am....can you ever forgive me??

I'm trying to think if I can cover anything that Lucie has not already. But I think she did an excellant job of giving you some sound advice.

I myself have been in the crush stages sooo many times and even today the guy that I have convinced myself for the last 4 years or so that I was in love with, has not met the expectations and I finally took my eart out of it and allowed the realization to seep in that he is not "the One". So your heart is a very tricky thing so be careful who you intrust it to.

He and I will always be friends and where as I definantly can't allow him to get to me anymore, we will see one another because of mutual friends.

If he feels the same way about you then he will one day, hopefully not too late, realize that and will be emailing, writing, or calling you before you know it.

See told I had nothing to add.

i'm so glad i found this board...ya'll are the best....everyone...includine Kiersten...did i spell it right this time?

**including...i'm toooooooooooooooo tired to attempt this thing called typing....that and it's hard to type eating celery..cause you only have one hand...going to my happy food

well i'm glad we could all help but mostly our mom!!

*mom has lots of experiences in the heart-on-the-sleeve department!*

quote:

Originally posted by Kiersten:
Oh my gosh, I'm sorry...have you ever heard of "i" before "e" except after "c?"

I have!! Along with my awesome lil song for the vowels haha