I just recently started really liking a guy who is black and I'm white, he is a Christian and he likes me too. he lives in ohio and at the moment i live in Al but i will be moving up there soon. My whole family believes that Biblically interracial dating/marriage is wrong. I'm 18 and im not getting married anytime soon but i really care about this guy alot!! I dont know what to do. I dont want to disrespect my family but I really care about Corey and i cant not like him. its too late for that lol. I just want to know what i should do. I know i should pray about it which i have been but i just dont feel like its wrong. What do you think i should do?

Hi!

I'm not Nicole.

I am however, fully grown and a mother of four.

Your question was very well thought out and I admired your candor. You are in a difficult situation and I'm not sure that anyone, Nicole included, could tell you what's right for you as each situation has unique individuals in it. There's no one like you, there are no duplicates for members of your family, there's no one else like Corey and you are all at different places in your spiritual growth.

For what it's worth though, a few things to think about...

Some denominations have in the past -especially in the South- tried to make a case against interracial relationships pulling a few scriptures here and there out of context to serve their agenda of forbidding "the mixing of the blood." If you study the Bible at all however, you'll find that's not the case. It's not race that's the issue it's foreign religions that are the problem. The wife of Moses was from Cush (Ethiopia) and quite black. (and Moses wasn't black but he sure wasn't white either.) When Miriam and Aaron made a stink about it God struck them with leprosy until they (basically) apologized. When Solomon married foreign wives who brought in all of their foreign gods and idols, it was another matter completely and harshly criticized.

As mature as you seem to be, you are, at 18, still very young. You said you weren't interested in getting married at the moment which would lead me to believe you're deliberately wanting/trying to keep your romances more on the casual/friendship level until you get a little older and more prepared for a deeper commitment. If this is the case, your friendship/relationship with Corey already has built-in boundaries in the distance between Alabama and Ohio. Emailing and talking on the phone are about as close as you can get which is actually good in some ways because you can focus on building your friendship through communication. If there comes a time when you are actually living in the same area and can date like normal people date, then you've got some of the work out of the way already. It also gives you time to sift through any issues that are not race related that might be a problem and work them out. Most interracial couples will tell you that race isn't usually the cause of their problems, it's all the ordinary stuff that bugs couples of the same race like power struggles, jealousy, who's committed and who's not, who's got the most annoying habits, etc., etc., etc.

As far as your family is concerned, I would urge you to be very careful and very patient with them. As I told another girl in another post about something unrelated, "boyfriends come and go," (especially in the teens and early twenties) but family, good friends, these are the relationships you want to try to respect, nurture and preserve. I'm not saying the objections of your family are right. I don't believe they are and if you were my daughter I wouldn't be worried about the race of any boy who came calling but rather, his character and his ability to respect and treat you well. However, you are under some obligation to respect their wishes while you still live with them. You may find it more beneficial to have a frank talk with them and ask what type of interactions they would permit between you and this boy and then work within their boundaries which will demonstrate you can be trusted and you care about what they think and feel. My hunch is they're very scared because you're entering into some unknown social territory and often when people are afraid they react in some unbecoming ways. Your family is probably more worried about what other people will say about you and about them than anything else, even if they can't articulate that to you and that's a problem of perception, not necessarily reality. On the other hand, I live in a small town in Georgia near the Alabama line and while interracial couples are more comfortable and visible around town, there's still a lot of talk in some circles that can be very ugly.

In history there are accounts of certain "saints" who have felt called to something specific with strong family objections. Some of those waited and obeyed their families and God changed the hearts of these family members to allow whatever it was. Some weren't so successful and had to break with their families completely but the time for you to be in a strongly divisive situation with your family isn't right now at the age of 18.

Also, this could be a good test for your friend as well. If he really cares and is willing to be patient and work within the parameters your parents set-up then that speaks very well of him also. If he pushes you to go against their wishes then I'd say this might not be the right situation for you at this point and giving the whole thing more time would be best. It wouldn't matter if he was the same race as yourself in this case, if he pushes his presence into your life (or you push yours into his) to the disapproval and detriment of your families and relationships, something's out of whack.

So in a nutshell, take your time, pray constantly and keep all communication lines open.

Blessings,
Lucie

Lucie,
AMEN!! Excellent answer!
Thx

nicole

hey thanks for that response. however you said that i should just go ahead and share with my family my feelings for corey right now? I mean Corey is a great wonderful guy and he respects me and my family more than any guy i know. its just my dad is set in his ways. he used to preach on the radio and hes studied and studied the Bible. I dont want to disrespect him in any way. so you think i should wait to tell everyone whenever i move closer? Even then i dont know what he will say or do. he just seems like hes not going to even think about it. my dad isnt prejudice at all he just thinks that God meant for all races to be seperate. i m just going to pray that God has His will and way in all this and that if its HIS will then He will change how my family feels torward all this. Please pray for us! Tahnks God Bless

Julie

Technically, there is only one race as far as people are concerned - the human race. "Race" is an evolutionary term developed to capture the idea that an inferior species is in a "race" to evolve to the next level - it is not biblical. The only prohibition in marriage biblically is a Christian marrying a non-Christian.

Biologically, we are all the same color, just a different hue, so to speak. My wife is black and I am white -- we are the same color, she just has more melanin than me.

Historically, before the Tower of Babel incident, we would have classified just about every marriage as "interracial". It is only human sin that has made this issue of "race" an issue. For those interested or troubled, I suggest Ken Ham's book - One Blood.

Nicole, I understand you are in a mixed marriage as well -- we have quite a testimony and responsbility to God in that respect. God Bless you and your husband.

P.S. We have an Interact Conference at our church end of every February to discuss "race" issues. Would love to have your family there some time if you are interested (would be a nice touch to have you sing Every Nation while there :-). I know your schedule, family commitments, etc might be a hindrance, but let me know if you would be interested and I'll get more info to you.